Christian Long

John Hodgman – Aliens, Love — Where are they?

In TED Talks on April 23, 2010 at 10:06 pm

Reflection by ALEX D.

Original TED page w/ speaker bio, links, comments, etc:

John Hodgman – Aliens, Love — Where are they?
A.K.A. Brief Digression on Matters of Time

John Hodgman spits the truth.

Undoubtedly, no other human has had so many close encounters. Why should we doubt his stories? His biography even mentions that he is an expert on all world knowledge. I nominate him for the next Noble Peace Prize.

Of course, I’m joking. Seriously? This guy thinks PC is better than Mac… Nice try Mr. Hodgman, but I see through your conniving ways. Obviously Hodgman is the alien. HodgeMAN? More like HodgeALIEN. Come on, think through this. He spends his career exaggerating the truth and begin a supposed “know-it-all.” Then he gets a job working lying commercials, along with corresponding with a comedy news show? He makes himself appear as this nerd who makes stuff up. What do we do in response? THINK THE OPPOSITE. Once Hodgman knows we do not trust him, he tells the truth, knowing that everyone will instinctively think otherwise. He goes up on the TED stage and works his magic. Done. Period. We no longer believe in aliens.

Clever, yes, I know. I’ve always suspected Hodgman of being an alien. You see, since 1986 I have been following his entire life, waiting for the moment to expose him. He has always eluded me when I made “contact.” His studies at Yale have made him quite intelligent. Plus the publicity he has gained makes it difficult for me to find him alone. But now he has the intellectual communities attention, I can present my evidence against Hodgman, and we can finally bring him in for questioning.

I am sure this is mind-boggling. I was doubtful at first, but the evidence against him is indisputable. He is an alien. One may see this as terrifying, and be convinced that the Earth will now be destroyed because I have disclosed all this information. In that case, sorry. But on the positive side, we now have proof, real proof, that we are not alone. There might be a possible world, far, far away where Hodgmans live and breed. Of course, we must carpet bomb this world to avoid Space War III. (The first two were covered up.) Fortunately, my team and I know we have more advanced technology than the Hodgmonians. Our Macs are much more efficient and if the Hodgmonians will most likely die from the time spent rebooting their PCs.

Unfortunately, TED has yet to respond to my messages asking to speak at a conference about this issue. I have resorted to blogging as a means of getting support. Please, if you have any idea where Hodgman is, email me at

Thank you for all your support and understanding.

Alex D. – Founder, President, CEO., of the All Celebrities Are Aliens Inc.


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